Don't Say Anything
by salingergurl
Summary: Ben Harper plus Lloyd Dobler equals LoVe. Mostly fluff and a bit of angst, for good measure. Takes place early in Season 3. Comments are good karma, kids!


Don't Say Anything

So yeah, he'd messed up again. Really, at this point, he was used to it. It seemed once a week he did something that pissed Veronica off. It was their dynamic—squabble, make up; fight, make up sex. It worked. Logan realized long ago, back when Lilly was still alive, that there would be something volatile about him and Veronica together. Truthfully, when she was pissed at him he loved her even more. She got this glint in her eye and that glint did things to him and made him want to do things to her. And…well, suffice it to say, he loved it.

This time it was different. This was a slow burning anger, an anger that was real, and about something substantial. Logan wasn't stupid—he knew she'd be mad at him. But the call of the water was just too strong; he hadn't been surfing in nearly a month; he'd been trying to concentrate on school and Veronica and himself for once… But then Dick showed up at his door, crying and needing him, with a haunting terror in his eyes, and Logan didn't know what to do. So he invited Dick in, and let him work out whatever it was that was going on, and helped him pick up the pieces that were shaped like a broken boy who fell off a building. Surfing was their thing, their form of communication, and it said much more than an exchange of words between them could ever accomplish. So the waves called, and Logan and Dick (and a few too many beers) answered. Now Veronica was pissed.

Not that he couldn't see her reasoning this time; she did have a point. He had missed tests in two of his classes. He had skipped out on working on a presentation for his economics class. He had gotten a bit too drunk to drive and uprooted a couple of street signs and a mail box. He had spent the night in the drunk tank before paying some hefty fines for his little off-roading adventure. Plus there was the tiny little bit about using his phone call to ring Veronica and ask her to come for a conjugal visit. He'd meant it as a joke that was, in his euphoria of beer and waves, hilarious. She hadn't found it quite so amusing.

Veronica stewed about things. She stewed until they burst from her somehow—she threw herself into her work, or school, or avoidance (her personal favorite), or just brooding until she confronted the sorry bastard who'd pissed her off. She stewed in this for two days before even answering Logan's calls. "Broken anymore laws since we last talked, Logan?"

"You know I haven't, I just…"

"You just what, Logan? Chose splashing around and a good buzz over responsibility? Logan, we've talked about this again and again…"

"Veronica, I know we have. It was one little…"

She cut him off, "You don't have room for 'one little slip' Logan. This is your LIFE we're talking about here." She was getting aggravated and people were starting to glance at her. She couldn't stand it when people aired their personal business in public via their cell phone. It was so ridiculous, yet here she was. "Logan, I'm not going to discuss this right now."

"Come by my place tonight. I wanna work this out." He paused. "Please, Veronica."

His softly uttered "please" broke her resolve and she wavered. She knew he was sorry but it wasn't enough for her—yet. "Logan, you can't keep doing this. If you keep getting in trouble with the law, eventually you'll end up doing real time. Destroying mailboxes is a federal crime, you could have gotten in HUGE trouble. Money's not always going to solve all your problems."

"Veronica, I know this. I know. I just needed… Dick and I had to…" How could he ever explain it to her? "Just come over tonight, bring a movie, let's just be together for a while and then we'll deal with this."

"Logan, you can't just push everything away like it's not there."

"No, Veronica, certainly not. That's your area of expertise."

"What?" He did NOT just say that.

"Nothing, Veronica, just come over. Please. I promise I'll be good."

Was that a note of lewdness? Probably. "My last class gets out at 6. I'll come over after that."

"Hey. I love you, Veronica."

"I know. Bye Logan."

No matter how mad she was at him, Logan was her weakness. Well, Logan and Italian food, and cheesy 80s movies. But Logan was much, much worse—his effect on her was frightening. For Veronica, someone who made her feel, really feel, was terrifying. Her fear is what made her crazy. Fearless, spitfire Veronica could be emotionally decimated by Logan, and probably would be again and again, because she was so afraid of what letting him go would do to her that she drove him away. It was a concept that made sense only to her. No one could make her as mad as Logan, yet no one could make her as happy. It was a tight rope she kept him on but he seemed to like being tied up.

She went to his room after class as she said she would, her two other weaknesses in tow. Leftover manicotti and Say Anything, which she only watched for Lloyd Dobler and that scene with the boom box… There was a deep part of her heart, and the heart of every girl she knew, that wanted Lloyd outside her room, playing their song, holding up a boom box with a look of complete… loving defiance. It was perfect.

Logan appreciated any food that wasn't room service and sat through the movie, taking note of the moment Veronica became completely still; she even stopped twirling that tiny bit of hair like she did absentmindedly. He watched her bite her lip and hold it in her teeth, anticipating the moment she knew was coming. He couldn't be sure, not completely anyway, but he though he heard Veronica sigh when John Cusack raised that boom box over his head outside that chick's window. His suspicions were confirmed: Veronica was a closet romantic. He filed that away for later use, and smiled at the revelation. His kick-ass girlfriend might have a soft side after all.

Once the movie was over, Logan knew what was coming. Him pretending everything was normal between them and asking her to stay the night, and her wanting to finally talk about what had gone wrong this time. Except by "talk" he meant "blame." He didn't mind, he supposed; angry Veronica was sexy Veronica, but this time… This time it was different, somehow.

"Logan."

"Yes dear?"

"What are you doing?"

"Right now? Thinking about how hot my girlfriend is when she's mad at me." It wasn't the right thing to say, he knew it, but he couldn't help himself. All the seriousness was getting to him.

"If we can't even talk about this, Logan, I don't know how you expect to make it better."

"So talk, then, Veronica. Tell me what I did wrong, and I'll tell you I'm sorry, and we'll both move on." He let an iota of anger creep into his voice. Veronica detected it. Still, she went full steam ahead.

"You can't just skip school and go off surfing whenever you feel like it, Logan. Now's the time to make something of your life, of yourself. Not to mention that you can't afford to have any more trouble with the law, Logan." She stopped there and looked at him. Her eyes held an emotion Logan knew well—disappointment.

"I know all of this, Veronica. But surfing is... It wasn't a mistake and I don't regret it. Dick and I just needed some time to pretend like everything was fine. I needed to forget about the guy you're trying to make me into and just be Logan for a change. I needed to just… be." He thought it had all come out right until he saw Veronica's face. Shit.

"The guy I'm trying to make you into? What does that mean, Logan? That I want the best for you? That I want you to be responsible and think about something other than beer and waves? That I want you to grow up a little? Is that what you meant?"

Yes, it was what he meant. "I just meant that you know who I am, Veronica. You've known me for years, longer than anyone, you actually know me on some deep level that anyone else has yet to reach, and you know how I am. I do dumb things, I'm a jack ass, I make bad choices, I mess up…"

"Yeah but that…" She cut him off. He wasn't finished though.

"But I love you. That's who I am. I love you and I would never, ever, intentionally hurt you. I'm trying, Veronica, I'm trying to be the man you want me to be, I'm trying but it's so hard. You're impossible most of the time. But that's what I love about you. And it sucks, it sucks a lot, because I want to be who you want me to be but I need a break sometimes, Veronica."

"You need a break?" Her voice wavered. "I'm too much for you? Because I want you to be a contributing member of humanity you need a break?" She fought the tears now, not wanting to let him see how he weakened her, his power to decimate her with a few simple words.

"Veronica, I didn't mean…"

"What did you mean, then? Just because I want you to have a future…" She did not say "with me," although she wanted to. "Because I think you can be more than some washed up murdering movie star's son?" Because I love you, she thought.

"I want a future too—it's just that the only thing I care about being in it, is you. Everything else will fall into place, somehow. And you're constantly trying to change me, and make me something I'm not and… sometimes I just need… to get away and forget about everything. Can't you understand that?"

Yes, she could. She often lost herself in a case to put off dealing with what was happening in her own life. "No, Logan. I can't."

"Look. I love you. No matter what happens, I love you and I will love you forever and ever amen, and I'd never hurt you on purpose, or let anyone else hurt you, ever. I don't want to screw up my life because you're in it. But I did what I thought I needed to do to stay sane, and you can't understand it, and I'm sorry you're upset and I'm sorry about getting caught, but I'm not at all sorry I went because it was the right thing." He didn't tell her about the pleading look he'd seen in Dick's eyes and the change he saw in them now. The sadness hadn't abated; it had simply shifted to the background. It was enough for Logan, for now.

She knew she was making more of this than she needed to. Veronica knew what this was really about: someday, Logan might screw up bad enough to get himself killed, and the possibility of that was the scariest thing Veronica could imagine. If she could only get him in line now, change his fundamental way of being so that he'd be completely under her thumb, faze out the very passion she loved in him, he'd be with her always. Or at least, he'd be alive as long as she was, if Veronica had anything to say about it. "You can't keep getting arrested, Logan. You can't keep screwing up!"

"It's not like I do it on purpose!" He was angry now, mostly at himself.

"Oh really? Because it usually seems like you do Logan. And I can't understand why."

"Because I'm not perfect like you Veronica! I mess up and I AM messed up and you're the only thing that makes sense to me and I'm trying my best, damn it, and it's never good enough. I'm not good enough and you're perfect and that's how it's always gonna be. At least to you." He had never realized the truth of what he was saying until this very moment, and it hurt him. "Can you please leave now? I've got a history test this week." He saw the look in her eyes and knew that this was not resolved. But he had to get her out to just think for a minute, to ponder his new revelation.

"Fine. I'll see you tomorrow." She held her voice calm and steady and walked out the door.

What Logan had said was true: Veronica was perfect and Logan was flawed, in her eyes at least, and that's not a life Logan wanted to keep living. He'd been through it before—never able to ease his father enough to not get hit, never able to love his mother enough to stop her from drinking. Why couldn't he just be himself and be loved? Sure, he could improve a couple of things, but so could everyone. So could Veronica.

And yet… He loved her. Exactly the way she was. As he'd never loved anyone before, or hoped to. He loved her when she was mad, as she was now, and when she was thinking, and when she was serious. Was it worth it to risk never being enough in exchange for being able to have Veronica in his life, the one person who made him believe he could become enough? Yeah, it was. He thought back to everything they'd already been through, enough trouble and pain for several long lifetimes. He'd made it through because of her, and for her, and as a tribute to her. It was time to be who she believed he could be. He picked up the phone and called down to the front desk, "Hey, you guys know where I can get my hands on a boom box?"

He got to her complex and immediately sent her a text message: "Open ur window plz." He scanned the building looking for the movement until he spotted it. For once, she'd done as he asked. She poked her head out and saw him standing there, boom box on the ground next to him. "Logan, what are you doing here?"

"Don't say anything, Veronica. Just give me a second." He pushed play and hoisted the stereo over his head. He waited.

"Logan, I'm tired. I don't have time for…" She realized what was going on once she heard Ben Harper's voice.

_There is not a river wide/ Not a mountain high/ And neither sin nor evil/ Could change how I feel inside_

Logan lifted the box higher and looked directly into Veronica's eyes. Her anger melted, her resolve melted. She looked back at him, wondering how she'd ever deserved this sort of devotion.

_True love is priceless/ For true love we pay a price/ There's nothing can keep me from loving you/ Not fire, not ice_

It was their song; the one Logan found while browsing Veronica's CDs one boring day the first summer they were together. The song was playing in Logan's car the day Veronica realized she loved him. The song was playing the first time they'd had sweet, slow, sex in his room, after Cassidy was buried. It was their song, and it was perfect.

_True love is give and take/ True love is sacrifice_

This was the moment. This was when she had to choose—love the man in front of her as he was: flawed, cracked, and damaged like her, or cut and run and spend the rest of her life trying to get this feeling back again.

The choice was clear to Veronica.

As the song ended she looked at Logan Echolls and silently thanked Lilly for him. She leaned out and said, "Come up here."

He was at her door in record time, but she was standing in the opening waiting. "Hey you."

"Look, Veronica, I'm so sorry. Please believe me. I'd never do anything to…"

She cut him off, "Shhh. Don't say anything. My dad's chasing a bail jumper somewhere around Arizona. I'm all alone for the night." She grabbed the collar of his shirt, and kissed him deeply, dragging him inside, and closing the door behind them.


End file.
